Childfree by Choice

I did not go through anywhere near as much as some of you will have in my attempts to get pregnant. Unfortunately (for this, anyhow), I am a very driven person, and put myself 110% into everything that I do. However, that kind of attitude seemed to work against me in a situation like this, where I did NOT have full control.

My husband was one of those "I'm fine either way, but if you want a child then that's fine with me" sort of guys, and I was 110% obsessed with having a baby. I'm sure many of you will understand the feeling of seeing a pregnant woman or one with a small child and hating her... not for anything to do with her, but because she had what I wanted. I felt as though there were a finite number of babies in the universe, and that she had mine! (The sudden rash of unplanned pregnancies at my office did not help the situation.)

In early September, I was at the mall with my husband, and two women, each with a small child in a stroller, passed us. I immediately burst into tears, and had to be led out of the mall. I cried all the way home, and then collapsed into the couch with one of our cats. I had truly snapped. It is hard even now to remember how hopeless and lost I felt.

When I'm trying to make a decision, I often imagine myself deciding first one way, then the other, and see which way feels right. So I thought, "I'm not going to try for a baby anymore." I felt such a strong sense of peace and 'rightness'; when I tried to imagine trying again, I simply couldn't do it. I told my husband, "I don't want to do this anymore," and he agreed. (The poor guy - I think he just wanted his 'old' wife back!)

We agreed to take a year off from trying, and then to re-evaluate. By the time the year was up, there wasn't enough money in the world to get me to start trying again! My husband has now had a vasectomy, and we are childfree by choice.

This article was provided by Heather Wardell. Remember that there IS a life after infertility - and you get to choose how it will be!

Anonymous