Heading Into Healing

Life Goes On

The loss of a pregnancy can be overwhelming - as any loss can be.  It is important to take the time necessary to grieve the loss of your baby and accept life as it is.  In truth,  acceptance can open the door to healing, enabling a couple to move forward.  The emotions around such a loss can take their toll on a marriage and relationships often suffer during these times.  Men do their best to cope with the loss and try to understand their partners, but even that can be difficult at times.

There may be setbacks on the road to recovery.  You may see a new baby or attend a baby shower and feelings of guilt, anger or depression begin to creep back after you thought they were gone.  It happens.  It's okay.  If the situation is too difficult to handle at the moment, excuse yourself from the scene.  It's not necessary to expose yourself to painful situations until you're ready to do so.

The Healing Process

There are different things you can do to help the healing process along after a miscarriage.  Perhaps choosing some methods from among them will give you the tools you need to begin the healing process in your life.

You decide for yourself how you'd like to deal with visual reminders of your pregnancy.  Friends and family may have suggestions such as clearing out all things that would evoke memories, like maternity clothing, baby items and toys.  Let it be your decision as to what you do and when you do it.  Take your time.  There's no hurry to pack things away.

There are many ways to create memories of your baby.  A naming ceremony or a memorial service in honor of your baby reinforces their identity.  Planting a tree, flowering bush or personalizing a necklace or bracelet are other ways to commemorate the baby's life.

Don't make major decisions until you are both physically and emotionally strong enough to do so.  You're going through a lot; give yourself time to heal before making big decisions.

Keep the doors of communication open between yourself and your partner.  Men often feel left out of the loop and struggle to understand what's happened to their mate.  Being open and honestly dealing with your feelings can strengthen your relationship.  Silence can tear it apart.

Keep a journal of your thoughts, feelings, fear and hopes.  Writing can be a very effective way to deal with pain.

Ask for what you need.  Family and friends may not know how to help you, even though they want to.  Let them know how they can help, and what they can do to support you during this time.  If you want to talk about your baby, let them know.  Chances are they're afraid to say anything.

Shared Journey

And finally, sharing your experience with others who have gone through the same thing can be very comforting.  There is much to be gained in shared journeys.