Being a Step-Mum and Facing Infertility

I'm so happy to finally find a place where I can share my experiences concerning infertility and I hope to make new friends through this article.

First of all, I would like to share my experience by telling you about myself. I married my husband nine years ago and he had his two children from a previous relationship living with him. Early on, during the first year of marriage, we decided that we would not start a family too soon, as I wanted to spend time bonding with the two children. I went on the pill, which was not an unusual thing for me to do during this time.

During the third year of marriage, we felt that the time was right. The youngest child was starting to ask for a little brother or a sister. After one year of nothing happening we braced ourself to face the doctors. As my husband has children of his own, I felt that the problem was with me. Nonetheless, he agreed to pursue all the required tests in order to see what was wrong.

There seemed to be nothing wrong with either of us, but we were still unable to conceive. My doctor - who is a very understanding man - decided to put me on clomid, since I may not be ovulating properly. Afer aa while, I began to feel pregnant. I was over the moon and so was my husband! We said "our prayer has finally been answerd!"

But at two months, I miscarried the baby. It was a devastating experience for me. This was followed by two more misscarriages. The docter suggested an insemination method and I became pregnant very quickly. We were over the moon!

Since I was on an infertility program, I had my first ultrasound at five weeks, and the doctor told me that it was still too early to detect anything. At seven weeks, I started to spot. I called the doctor who told me to come in for another ultrasound. My husband and I went with our hearts in our mouths. When the doctor scanned me, he could not find the baby - but we could hear the heartbeat. The doctor decided to perform a vaginal scan, and this was when our world came crashing around us - the pregnancy was ectopic.

Before I had time to think straight, I found myself being wheeled into the operating theater for the operation. The next morning, I learned that I had lost my right fallopian tube, and fifty percent of my fertility. I suffered from bad depression, but I had to continue because the two children needed me.

When I look at them, I feel so jealous at times, as I am unable to give them a brother or a sister. Until this day, I have not lost hope of ever getting pregnant. As I am a Christian, and beleive in God, I console myself by saying that God has a reason. Sometimes I say that God has given me a ready-made family that I am proud of.

My dream of having a child of my own will never die. I pray that God will one day answer my prayers. It is very hard to battle with infertility while being a stepmum. But you out there do not despair, God is great!

Elisette