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Hello everyone - I have a 16 year old stepdaughter and I am now pregnant with her father's and mine first child. During the fertility treatments she was very curious and wanted updates just about daily. Once we announced the impending arrival she has pretty much told us where to go and how to get there. Just like when we got married 13 years ago, she loved me and then she hated me. Before I got pregnant she would call me more then her father. She has taken us off hof her friends list on her myspace. SHe also has deleted every single comment that we put on her myspace or that she put on ours. It is like she does not want anyone to know that she has a father, stepmother or brother or sister on the way. She basically told her father the her father died novenber 2, 2003 (that was teh day her great grandfather died). Her great grandfather and her great grandmother raised her. I just don't understand the sudden hatred to an innocent baby that is not even here yet. Also her mother has 2 more children 2 other fathers and she never had a problem with them. They also came about when my stepdaughter was younger. Can anyone lend some advice or support in this type of situation?
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Jenny- I think she is a teenager which is the first problem. They do not always know how to react to things and they lash out. Second, she might be scared her Dad will not love her as much anymore. I have a ds from a previous relationship and a dd with my husband. My dh has a great relationship with his dad, but sometimes a rocky one with my dh. They love each other, but when my dd came along my ds was not always happy to have her. He even asked me to take her back more than once. He was 7 when she was born. He thought we were going to love her more and do more for her since dh was her dad and not his. Well I am glad to say 4 years later things are great. They love eachother and no one feels left out. I guess what I am trying to say is, give her some time and I am sure she will come around. Just remember though, giving her time does not mean to ignore her. She still needs to feel your love. Hope this helps.
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JasJulesMom - I am trying to keep an open window for her. I write to her in emails to see how she is doing and I don't mention the baby unless if she replies and asks I will. Most of the time she has not asked. I am trying not to push anything on her and understand how she may be feeling. It is hard because of the initial support, concern and enthusiam that she gave us. I guess maybe she thought that because of what I had to go through that maybe it would never happen so in the stimulation phase there was not a threat. I am hoping that since school started back she will maybe have a little less time on her hands to think about it and maybe she will come around. Plus, I am sure that some of how she feels is more her mother putting it in her head then anything. Yes, she has that type of mother. Always bad mouthing my DH and I to my stepdaughter. Started when DH and I got married. Stepdaughter's mom and I did not get along in high school. Yeah it goes that far back. I was friends with DH and tried to be friends with her she was just one of those bully type females that hates everyone. Plus I was more in the popular snobby crowd and she was more of the outside smoking and partying all night type crowd (like greasers). So our cliques so to speak did not get along either. So there is a history that unfortunately her mother never got over and never grew up about. What can you do?!?!? I pray each night that the stepdaughter becomes more excepting and happy about this. Thank you for your reply. I will talk to you later.
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Jenny: Are things getting better with your step daughter???? I ams o sorry you are having to go through the emotions with her. Its good that you are such a good step mom and are so grounded!
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I pray that after my conversation with her today that she will be coming around real soon and be part of her brother's life!!!! It seems as though things may get better but I will continue to pray that she is lead in the right direction and does not take the past out on this baby. Thank you very much for asking. Talk to you later.
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i'd like to chime in with a possibility... As a mom of two stepchildren Parental Alienation is an all too common occurance here. It seems to me if she's accepted her Moms extended family then it may be possible that she somehow is or has been made to feel that only her Moms life is important or that only Mom and her new life are worthy of acceptance, love, forgiveness, kindness, and respect.
On the other hand you may be simply dealing with a situation where your stepdaughter relied on the fact that you two were all about her... you were her foundation, her safeplace, and now someone else is going to take that away!! Sometimes with children especially adolesents it doesnt take much to make them feel betrayed or slited.
Hang in there because either way these are all complicated but solvable problems.. Just continue to be supportive patient acceptiing and loving so she knows you guys are a safe place still!!
Hugs and Prayers
Heidi
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Thanks invertigo31...Just to let you all know that she has met her brother who just turned 6 weeks old this past Saturday and she is in love with him...A little persistance and giving her some time really paid off...I think things will be great between them...
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