When There Are No Answers
Receiving a diagnosis of unexplained fertility is like receiving no diagnosis at all. It can be shocking to finally realize that doctors have no idea whatsoever why you haven't conceived. All those tests, all this science, but none of it gives you the answer you seek to the question that circulates over and over again in your mind: "Why can't I have a baby?"
One in every five couples undergoing full infertility work-ups will be diagnosed with unexplained infertility. Couples who are diagnosed with a specific condition may feel frustration and pain, but for those with unexplained infertility, the feelings are even more excruciating. It's one thing to undergo treatments, but to have no focus at all, not having a concrete reason that points to why there's no pregnancy, can be unbearable. There may also be the feeling that a true diagnosis, with a real cause does exist, but science can't yet find or identify the problem.
Guilt Feelings
Along with the lack of a confirmed condition you may have feelings of guilt. Perhaps you had an abortion long ago, and you can't help but wonder if something, some necessary body part, got damaged during the procedure. Or, you wonder if you're the guilty partner, the one who makes conception impossible as a couple. You may even feel guilty because you have a niggling feeling that it's your partner who is at fault-- the one who keeps you from holding an infant in your arms at long last. You may be feeling guilt because you wondered if you waited too long and passed the last hour on your biological clock. Maybe you feel guilty because you think you became infertile due to your deep anxiety about whether or not you can conceive.
As a couple, you may feel singled out from among your crowd of friends who are trying to conceive (TTC). They have a direction for focusing their efforts and energy and have treatments from which they can choose, should the need arise. Well-meaning family members and friends may be sending you articles about the latest medical treatments for infertility, or about new treatment centers. They don't get that these can't help you—your problem is beyond science. Seeing those articles just hurts.
Also, it's hard to know when enough is enough. When do you stop exploring techniques and treatments? When do you stop hoping that this will be the test that will explain the problem? You want to move on, you want to grieve, but you're stuck in a state of limbo.
You're Educated
Here is what you need to keep in mind: You're doing everything you can. You're seeing the right doctor. You read everything you can get your hands on and you ask questions—you're an educated patient.
The thing is that some medical conditions and diseases can't be explained. The term, "unexplained infertility," is a simple reflection of the fact that medical science has limitations. The current technology can't reveal the cause of your inability to conceive. The good news is that according to the Canadian Infertility Therapy Evaluation Study, 30 year old patients with unexplained infertility of 3-4 years duration have a 13.6% chance of becoming pregnant within six months with no treatment.
