Preparing Children For An Adopted Sibling
Adopting a child has an effect on everyone in the adoptive family, and siblings are no exception. While getting a new brother or sister is fraught with issues for every prospective sibling, an adoptive sibling's issues will be more complex because of the intricacies of the adoption process. The best thing you can do to help prepare your children for an impending adoption is to talk about it at length, without holding back, and as soon as possible.
Important Topics
Here are some of the topics you should try to address:
*What is adoption?
*How do people adopt?
*Why are we adopting a child?
* How will the adoption change our lives?
*What will remain the same after the adoption?
*What issues will be difficult to speak about?
*Who will listen when things are tough?
*What will be hard to handle?
*What will happen if the sibling hates the new child?
Every child in a family is going to have a different view of the new child. Some children will worry that their parents love the new child and might not want to keep them—the old children—any longer. They need constant reminders that their place in the family is assured. Here are some of the ways you can help your child get used to the idea that an adopted brother or sister will soon arrive:
*Read books together on the topic of adopted families. This will help foster an atmosphere in which your child feels free to ask questions about the upcoming event. It may also help your child picture how the adoption will affect the family.
Family Dynamic
*Just as in bringing a new birth child into the family dynamic, your child will need to be told that his extended family, for instance, his grandparents, still love him, even if the new infant receives a great deal of attention. You may want to speak to your extended family about these issues so that they too can assure your child that he is loved and will remain so. If you make the family aware of the issue, they will also take pains to shower the new child's siblings with love to reinforce the feeling that they remain an integral part of the family.
*Some siblings may benefit from a party celebrating the fact that they have become a big sister or a brother.
*If the siblings are adopted, bring out photo albums and retell the old stories about how they came into your lives and what you and your extended family felt at the time they entered the family circle.
Welcome Gift
*Involve your child in the process of preparing for the new child's arrival. Perhaps they will enjoy choosing a gift to welcome the new sister or brother, or perhaps they will enjoy decorating the room where the new child will sleep. Sometimes families celebrate the new child's arrival with a party. Your children can help plan the celebration.
*Make contact with other adoptive families having more than one child so your kids can see the family dynamic in action.
*Schedule alone time with your children after the adoption of their new sibling so they know they're still special to you.
If you give your child the tools to handle the situation with grace, you can rest assured that things will work out with time and flexibility.
