Men and Miscarriage
For the average woman expecting a baby, a pregnancy loss can be devastating regardless of how far along in the pregnancy a woman is. Often it takes the woman a significant amount of time to get over the loss while her partner seems to be unaffected. Even in the most stable relationships, the men can appear to be unaffected and look like they're moving on faster than the woman.
This can often cause tension in a relationship with the woman feeling betrayed by her partner's seemingly callous coldness. Sometimes the man may be patient at first with his partner's grief, but may eventually become irritated and not understand why she's not moving on.
The Difference Between Men and Women
According to Kristin Swanson, RN, Ph.D., FAAN, professor and department chair of Family and Child Nursing at the University of Washington, men and women view miscarriage very differently. A miscarriage, especially one in the early stages of pregnancy, tends not to be as real to a man. Pregnancy and miscarriage for women is physical which can create a definite sense of loss. Many women begin to connect with their developing child very early. Swanson told Pregnancy Today that, "Seventy-five percent of women who miscarry would tell you they lost a baby." Men don't have that same reaction and often think the baby isn't real unless they hold it or see it, says Swanson.
The grief is very real for women. It's not uncommon to take three months or more for a woman to finish deeply grieving a miscarriage. Some women grieve years after a miscarriage. Many women have told stories of how they remembered the anniversary of each miscarriage and even cried on those days.