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Hi nicmon - thanks for the reply. I hope your IVF process is going well - it is intense to say the least and nobody can understand unless they have been through it. On a rather funny note I have a cousin who is pregnant and was telling me just how horrible her pregnancy has been because she is on all these awful hormones that just make her so sick and tired and moody, and I find out that she is taking a small dose of progesterone by mouth! I had to work SO hard not to laugh at her and tell her that until she is shooting herself in the stomach three times a day with massive doses of hormones and then doing a progesterone in oil shot in the hip every night I don't want to hear it :)
But I completely know what you mean about having to pretend to be happy for people - and it is such a double edged sword because I wouldn't wish infertility on my worst enemy, and it devastates me to hear of some other good person who is cursed by it - but to hear of someone getting pregnant after hardly trying makes me crazy too! I think the worst though are the friends who won't talk to you about their pregnancy because they don't want to upset you, but then talk to everyone else, making you feel like they all belong to a club that you may never be able to join.
But anyway, I know that you are right about staying positive and hopeful for the future. I just have to keep telling myself that I will be a mom - somehow I will be - I know that. I just feel that it is more difficult to be hopeful during this "break" time when we aren't actively working at it. I know though that I need to trust that things happen for a reason and in their own time - it is just very very hard to believe that sometimes. And sometimes it just makes me pissed to think that I have to do that and most others don't, it is so easy for them.
As for our husbands, as understanding and wonderful as they are, you are right, I don't think they can fully understand. I know that one aspect that mine struggles with is how defective that I feel. He gets mad at me for saying it, but when all the issues lie with me, I don't know how not to feel that way - there is this very basic, primal thing that I don't seem to be able to do, and that is devastating. He doesn't get that. He also doesn't understand that I feel guilty and responsible for the fact that he may never have a biological child either. So I guess our situations are a bit different there, but I am sure yours comes with it's own set of emotional hurdles.
Anyway, thanks so much for the reply and I look forward to hearing how your cycle is going. Let me know if I can help or provide any support during this time as I know it is very exciting but very emotionally and physically exhausting as well.
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