Shared Journey HOME

lyly14,
Sorry I am not trying to get pregnant at this point but I want to say that don't give up girl you still have time to get pregnant and have a success pregnancy. Hang in there and your turn will come soon. Don't lose the faith and always be positive.
I wish you the best of Luck!

Lili

reply

Hi, I can sympathize with you. I am currently experiencing secondary infertility issues and just found out yet another girlfriend of mine got a bfp. She too was undergoing treatments (IUI). My heart soars for her, but in the pit of my stomach there is such a pang for having the bfp. Faith looks up, remember?
I am on my 2nd round of clomid, they had to increase it from 50 to 100 since my dominant follicle wasn't big enough. If this doesn't work, it's crunch time for us and we'll be seeing the RE on 10/22. DH doesn't think he believes in IUI or IVF, so I'm hopeful we can get that bfp before it gets to that. He is actually more open with adopting, but I do not want someone else's baby. I'm just not there yet.

It did take us 10 months to conceive (naturally) our son, but that was in 2002! Now, thanks to my DH who put me off for this long, due to financial concerns, we are in the spot we're in. I'm not bitter :) Anyway, we have been trying since 7/07, then I had a uterine polyp removed 3/08. Still nothing and I just turned 35 last month, so I get to proudly wear the sashes with "Infertile/High Risk", even if we do get preggers!!

It helps for me to focus on others, so I spend time involved with prayer groups at church and volunteering. Anything to get my paranoid obsessed mind off of this stuff! Sorry for rambling. :) I suppose it's just easy to do when you are constantly hoping, wishing and wanting to have something you seem to have no control over.

much love and many, many blessings Lyly!!

reply

Lyly-
I am so happy you started this thread-I have stopped posting b/c I feel like all of the other threads have turned from talking about ttc to dealing with pregnancy-and although I am truly happy for them-I find myself with nowhere to let out feelings and concerns.

As you know I think we have a similar situation going on-I also have been through 4 cycles of clomid and IUI and then went on to my first IVF in August. I am currently waiting for my 2nd AF to come after the failed IVF to start my medicated FET. When it was first suggested I had such high hopes, but as I wait...and wait for AF to come I feel myself with that doubting, this is not going to work feeling, again. Positive...I know...stay positive.

Nicole-
I can sympathize with you also- I have two colleagues who are pregnant together at the same time (2 weeks apart). I am very happy for them-but get tired of all the pg talk every day. I thought that being back at work would get my mind off of things after the summer but it is very tough to have the constant reminder that the treatments up till now haven't worked.

Thanks guys for letting me be a part of this struggle with you and for helping me get through mine.

Melissa

reply

Nicole- I also have secondary infertility. I have a dd who will be ten in november from a previous relationship. Current dh and I have had 3 natural pg but I lost them all. Now for whatever reason we have not been able to get pg and is has been 2 1/2 yrs since my last m/c. Even with all this treatment I too will be am a high risk pregnancy (if I can get pg). I have risks for clotting and need to be on lovenox and lots of folic acid to decrease my risk. Anyway I am glad you posted. We all need others who know how we feel when we vent or are stressed!

Melissa- the other thread I had started has a great group of girls but I needed a new place to chat with others that are still ttc. I am glad you posted too. I have been wondering how things were going. When do you expect AF? I should be getting mine anyday now. I just started spotting today and usually spot for about 3 days before af arrives. So I should be starting my FEt real soon. That would be so great if we were going through it together. At this point I am trying not to be neg or postive. I am trying to be neutral. If it works YIPPY! If not keep on moving foward. There is no other way to get through this stupid roller coaster ride.

reply

Lyly-
Looks like you will be starting earlier than I will. I expect AF any day now-but my cycles can go as long as 40 days. I feel crampy all the time and just can't wait for it to come to get started. So we will be close on this one-but it will be nice to have someone there at the same time.
Melissa

reply

Hi girls :)
Lyly- I just got your e-mail and loged in again on this site.
Good job girl! 8) I feel exactly like you,that is why I stopped posting.I'm very glad for our girls that their journeys are over(or almost over),but the rest of us should stick together for a while .
I'm on my second b/c pill,starting a new IVF #3.We just paid $25 000 yesterday :o for the insurance program(3 fresh/3 frozen cycles) and we feel very poor. :-\
The other new development we are having,is a very hard choice to make between my husbands sperm and donor's. :'(I still did not make up my mind and it drives me crazy.
It looks like we all starting around the same time.
Nice to meet you all . :)
Good luck to us,girls!

reply

I can't believe how close we all are to being on the same cycle- I'm on CD 4. It's amazing to me they (docs) can charge so much for all this treatment. You know, with all the money RE's make, maybe they could solve the current financial crisis :)

I have true faith that we will all have our heart's longing fulfilled!

Have a good weekend ladies.

reply

Marina- We definitely needed a new thread! So how long before you start stims? Did they give you an estimated date for retrieval?

Melissa- My AF can be stubborn sometimes to get started. I am still only lightly spotting. I am really hoping AF comes on by Sun or Mon the latest. It has already been 32 days since my last AF. It did take 34 days to get AF after my first failed IVF so that would put me at Sunday but I have a feeling it will be more like Monday. That would be so great if you are right in there with me. I hope you get AF soon. So what is your protocol? This is mine:
day 2 blood & u/s start estrace 2mg 2x daily
day 10-13 increase estrace to 3x daily
day 13 return for blood & u/s
day 14 decrease estrace to 2x daily (unless otherwise instructed)
day 15 (if all is well) PIO 1/2 cc
Doxycylcine 100 mg 2x daily (until finished)
Medrol 4mg 4x daily (until finished)
baby asprin (until told to stop)
Lovenox 40mg injection daily
day 16 continue all meds increase PIO to 1cc
day 18 Transfer!

reply

Nicole- My dh actually felt the same way when we first started with the clomid. He just wanted to adopt. I didnt even bother with IUI and pushed for IVF. Dh was open but not thrilled. Now that we have been through 2 fresh IVF's and on our 2nd frozen I have started to feel this may not work and brought up adoption. Guess what dh said? I want to keep trying because I want my own baby not someone elses!!!!!!!!!! He has totally gotten into the whole thing and doesn't want to give up our dream of having our own child together. I would have never thought he would feel that way. I hope you get your bfp before before it gets to that point but if not your dh might surprise you too.

reply

Lyly,my estimated retrival on Oct.28,I start stims on the 18th.I'm so confused and don't know what the hell I'm going to do with the sperm :(.We are now opposite with you -my dh got to the point that he doesnt care anymore who's sperm,he just want it to work!He says that the baby doesn't care who's sperm was used to bring him/her to this world.Well.he is right,but I started this journey to have HIS baby.But all the negative things that happen to us for the past year just make me scared to death to lose again,even though me RE doesn't think so.I just don't have all this time to play wait&see games.He will do 50%-50%,if I insist,but again,we would have to transfer either donor's or DH's embryos,they will not let us to mix them.
To find the right donor,turned to be not as easy as I thought.And the 2 I found that would match perfectly,are sold out for now(of course!)And I want my baby to have my DH's green eyes and gorgeous blond wavy hair!Well,in reality ,I just want it to work.

reply

Marina- Why will they not let you mix them? Is is because you will not know which one makes it? Either way if you do 50/50 and they all look good how would you choose which ones to put in or would you let the embryologist choose? So much to think about, I am so sorry. As if you don't have enough things to stress over. I guess you just need to make your decision and be happy with it. It is not an easy decision to make but either way I am here for you. I forgot to ask you, are any of your meds included in your total fee.

reply

Lyly,I'm not sure why they woun't let us mix them-probably physchological issues.In my old clinic they make you go and see phychologist before you decide,I'm not sure about this one-at least they didn't tell me yet.I've spent the entire weekend reserching donors-again!We picked one that looks like Matthew McConaughey(who looks kind of like my DH,but younger) or at least this is what they claim-we could only see their baby pictures.Well,anyway,I did not buy anything yet,because, first- today I'm not sure again about the whole thing and second-I wasn't positive about blood type(I have A+ and he has O-.Can he be a match for me?They said to ask my doctor,but I think it doesn't matter as long as I'm +,we don't even know my dh blood type))
Another thing is I'm not sure what to do because of my RE telling us about this test and he seems to be positive about using dh sperm.But I'm just so tired of trying ,I just want my life back,I'm not sure I can go 3 more times if I have to.Part of me just want to end everything this time-no matter what the result will be.I hate to spend 22 grand(and no,meds and monitoring are not included,it's extra$4000 each time!)We'll might just change our contract to one time and just live with whatever happens(we still have untill the 16 of october)

reply

Hi everyone!
Marina-that is a really hard decision to make. I can oly relate a story about my girlfriend who had a similar situation-they mixed the two. She got pregnant-and to this day they have no idea if it was DH sperm that made it or the donor. (We all think the baby looks just like the husband, so maybe at helps). I know that she agonized over the decision and has never regretted her choice (at least not out loud).

Lyly-my protocol is very similar to yours-without he increase in estrace. I stay on the 2mg twice a day until the end(but sonetimes after a checkup visit they tend to change things, so who knows). I still have no sign of AF. But again-I wouldn't be unhappy if it held off for just a little longer-the tennis season ends in about two weeks(unless we make playoffs, which it looks like we will). So if I start on estrace later-I should make it through that part of the year and then I don't care when the transfer is b/c it is only my schedule I have to worry about, not a whole tennis thing.

Melissa

reply

Hi Girls- Well I got AF Sunday night and started my estrace on Monday night. It is nice and simple just pop a pill 2x a day. Unfortunately I am so stressed it is probably not the best time for the FET. My puppy almost died on sunday night. He choked on his own vomit and now has aspiration pneumonia. He was in the hospital for 2 1/2 days and things have been crazy. I have been so upset and even after all the money we spent on him he still may not be ok. ARGGGGGG!

Marina- How are you holding up? Any decision about the sperm?
Melissa- I hope AF holds off for just a bit for you. It is always nice when things fall into place.

reply

Lyly- that is surprising! Maybe he will change his mind- either way, even at this point, just being on the clomid, I feel like a science project- I cannot fathom what you ladies are all going through and have had to go through.
I'll put each of you on my prayer list :-*

I'm so sorry to hear about your puppy, too. I have actually heard of that condition, but with a horse. Not fun.

I have my F/S Ultrasound Monday. I already feel like I'm growing mellons in my ovaries :(

reply

Hi girls
Lyly- that's sound horrible about your puppy!how is he doing now?They become part of the family,don't they.I only know that our vet told us right away to keep food for Mila up high,so she doesn't have to band over b/c it's not good for them.I hope he is better,I haven't post for a while and I see you didn't either.

Melissa,Nicole,thanks guys for sharing stories with me.
You may all think I'm crazy,but I totaly changed my mind(again!) and after all my reserch and time spent to find the right donor(and I finaly did),we decided to use my dh sperm after all.I just couldn't let it go yet.We want to give it one last chance because then we'll know we did all we could to have our biological child.
I feel much better now since I've made this desigion.
I start Lupron on Monday and stims on 18th.

Where is everybody at in their cycles?

reply

Marina- I am so glad you are at peace with your decision. That is exactly how I feel about the IVF, I will keep going until we just can't do it anymore. That way I feel I did all I could do to have our own biological baby. Then I can explore other options. My puppy is ok but needs special treatment. We had the food and water raised since we got him but was told it was not high enough so we raised it higher. It didn't help and he was throwing up about 3-4 times a day. Now we are feeding him while he is standing on the stairs, so he is at a 45 degree angle and we have to hand feed him little rolled meatballs of canned food. That way the food goes down by gravity since his esophagus doesn't push it down. It seems to be helping since he only threw up 1 time.

Anyway right now I am on the estrace and I increase to 3 times a day tomorrow. I go back in Friday for a lining check.

reply

Lyly i'm hopeful for you :) meaning- both you and the pup- what kind of dog is it?

My Follicle study today was good- at least one good sized one and three others, too- I got my first hCG shot, so we'll be on it tonight and tomorrow. I am of course freeaked now that we could possibly have multiples or maybe we wouldn't have a healthy normal baby- I swear my mind never stops spinning!

So no testing for 12 days, but I am tempted to test the morning DH is suppose to go in to provide his "sample"- I just don't want to subject him to it if I don't have to. Even if it was negative (I realize that could be a false neg.)- at least I would be trying!! ??? what do you all think- wait and test at 12 days, or try at 10?

GOOD FOR YOU, Marina!!! It is and should always be a woman's perogative to change her mind :) I pray it works!

reply

Nicole- He is an english bulldog. So cute but so much work. We knew bulldogs can have a lot of problems but this wasn't one we read about or was warned about by the vet! He seems to be ok but the prognosis is "guarded". He was fine the 1st few months we had him too then he choked so I guess it could happen again. That is what we are so afraid of. Him choking on his own vomit and dying when no one is home. Uggg so aggravating. I wish you luck with the clomid. I hated the clomid. I missed the big O the second cycle. Went in for the u/s and the follies were there then next time gone. I never got a positive on the OPK so we started with the ovidrel triggers (same as hcg). Anyway multiples are rare with clomid. They say 1 out of every 3 follicles is typically capable of producing a baby with clomid. So what day is dh's sperm analysis? How many days after the trigger? Do you know how much hcg you had for the trigger and what type they gave you? If it was a small amount it will be out of your system quicker so you wont have to worry about false positives.

reply

lyly:

Wow! Poor pup- I can't imagine coming home to our cat in that kind of condition. Are you home most of the time? I don't know how you deal with that- I'm a stress ball, so it wouldn't work out for me unless I didn't have to work :(

Anywhooo- I'm not sure of the dose details, I'll email the doc's office & I'm sure they'll tell me within a day or so. DH's sample is 10 days after I got the shot (counting today- shot day- as day 1), so it's 10/15.

So are you saying you ovulated the 1st month on clomid, then didn't the second month?? My fertility monitor didn't indicate ovulation today, but I missed testing on Saturday, which I REALLY think would have yielded a positive Lh or Peak fertility indication- oh well. I'm so sick of peeing on sticks!!! I'm really ready to give that up and lean on the RE to "order" me to do whatever whenever!! I really even think I already ovulated on Saturday, which was CD 12! :( So I'm not even sure if the hcg shot would work on what follicles were there today..... Did I say I had some blood streaked in my fertile CM on Saturday, too? THAT was the day I felt most "full", like I could popl! I called the doc and the nurse on call said no worries, just be careful when 'trying' that night. It is all such a crap shoot!

reply

Nicole- I normally ovulate on my own so the first 2 cycles on clomid my RE didn't recommend using hcg to trigger ovulation. I just used a opk to monitor for LH surge and had timed intercourse. The month I was talking about, I did ovulate but somehow missed getting a peak on the LH surge with the stupid kit and missed my chance to have intercourse on the right day. So my second month on clomid we had sex way too late to even to make a real attempt. After that the RE decided to use the trigger shot when my follicles were big enough so that didn't happen again.

If your went in for an U/S today and the follicles were big enough to take the shot then you didn't ovulate yet. The follicles would not be seen on U/S if you already ovulated. That is what happened with me. If you are using the shot then the monitor will not be accurate in detecting a surge since the hcg acts like LH and fools the body into ovulating but the monitor will not always pick it up. So take a rest from peeing on a stick and save it for the hpt!!!!!! You deserve a rest. Day 10 is probably far enough away not to get a false positive but you may get a false negative since it may be too early. If you do test just be aware of that. I really wish you lots of sticky baby dust.

reply

lyly:

ok, that does all make sense when you describe it that way- oh and I did pee on the stick this morning- but didn't get notice of your post until this morning at work. Otherwise, I would have heeded your recommendation to take a break :)

Which, by the way, my opk did pick up the hcg- I think- because it showed today as a 'peak' day...... can you use the sticks as an ept/hpt??

Your sticky baby dust made me laugh out loud!

reply

Nicole-hmmmmmmmm I'm not sure about the opk sticks as hpt. Oh yeah as to question about if I am home alot: I work full time. I am a speech pathologist and I work for a school district, so I am gone for about 7 hrs a day. However, dh is currently not working because we have my mom who is ill living with us. He is home taking care of her (and the puppy) and bringing her to all of her doctor's appts.

Melissa- How is it going? Did you get AF yet?

reply

hi lyly,

i was just thinking of you and thought to pass by and see how you are doing? You are doing a FET? I so pray for you and your dh to finally get your lil one together. I think this is your cycle. Did you ever try pinapple core just before transfer it is supposed to help with sticking but don't do it after the transfer cause it can cause uterine contractions. Do you have bed rest for 2 weeks after? I know some re say it don't matter but I think it does. I wish you all the best I am praying for you

ange

reply

Hi Ange- I am so glad you popped in to say hi. We have 4 frozen embies that will hopefully make the thaw and be put in. I can't stand pineapple but I tried it last IVF with no real luck. I did have some actual symptoms last time but then they just stopped so maybe it helped somewhat. My RE doesn't recommend any rest after and actually made me get up about 10 min after the transfer!!!!!!! I think this time I will insist on staying down for about 30 min or so before leaving. I really can't afford 2 weeks of bed rest. I don't have many sick days left at work and will need them if I do get pg for my maternity (we don't have a paid leave so we have to use sick days). At this point I don't even have enough for 6 weeks. So i need to be careful. Well enough about me, how are you doing? The baby? I would love an update. If you want you can send me an instant message on here to let me know (just post to let me know so I can go and check it since this stupid site doesn't notify you).

reply

lyly:

So I found out my hcg was 10,000 units of Novarel - is that considered big, small what? I was surfing today and saw a site that said I could test as early as 10 DPO.
What do you all think??

reply

Nicole,this is a standart dose to trigger ovulation.
Hcg in your blood usually gone 10 days after your shot ,but it's still too early to test 10 days after ovulation.Trust me,we've done it all-I mean testing too early.Most of the time you'll get negative and will be very upset,if you do it too early.
I think, the realistic would be to start test 14 days after O.

reply

Ok, I can do that.... so if 10,000 units is a standard dose, what do they go up to?? You know- I have soooo many ept test strips, I could do my own experiment to see how long it stays positive after receiving the shot- then continue to test right through to day 14. Ha! I doubt I do it though. I think it would drive me nuts.
Thanks, Marina, for the advice and encouragement- I really appreciate it! And I meant to ask, what is Lupron- I'm assuming it helps to ripen more eggies??

reply

OMG Nicole- You sure would drive yourself nuts doing all those test, but it you get a bfp you would see how long it takes to show up after the hcg is out of your system from the shot. Does your dr check your progesterone level 7 days after the trigger? Mine always made me go for p4 (progesterone) one week after and p4 and beta hcg (pregnancy test) after 2 weeks. Are you doing a blood test or only hpt?

Lupron by the way is a shot that you take daily until you are ready to trigger. It actually shuts down your system. It initially dumps all your hormones (FSH and LH) then stops you from producing them. That way they can have complete control of your cycle. You will need an injectible form of FSH to produce eggs then a trigger shot (hcg) to ripen the eggs and ovulate.

reply

yeah, I don't know- I may do it anyway, just to see how long it takes to get a true positive- still undecided. will be until tomorrow morning :) Nope, he's not doing anything..... so I'm glad to hear there are more steps to be taken, if need be. I'll just rely on the RE to do that, if we aren't preggers this cycle. The initial consult is scheduled for the 22nd of this month, which would be approximately day 2 or 3 of my next cycle.

I'll be thinking about you next week, that's when you start your stuff next week- I'm not mistaking you for someone else, am I? You said you were going to do stims on the 18th??

reply

Nicole- You have mistaken me, but that is okay. Marina is the one starting her stims. I am using frozen embryos left over from my last IVF, so no stims for me. Just estrogen pills until my lining is ready then I start progesterone shots. If all goes well I should have my transfer of embryos on the 15th or so.

reply