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Questions about managing feelings
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broccoli12001
 July 14th, 2006 10:34 AMReport

Hello Everyone,
I cross posted part of this message to another group so my apologies for any repition.

I'm 40 and my partner is 52. We have been ttc for only 5 months naturally. But it feels longer to me because I tried for a year before using donor sperm. I got pregnant but miscarried at 9 weeks (4/05).

Q 1) Are any of you out there of "advanced maternal age" or with "older" partners/husbands?

Q 2) How do you navigate your man's feelings around his sperm quality/quantity? My man is obsessed with this, feeling very insecure. We wonder how the result of the semen analysis (scheduled later this month) will effect our relationship. We plan to get married after we conceive. But he does NOT want to use donor sperm.

Q3) Sorry if too much information but...do you avoid oral sex (for man or woman) during your ovulation window? I've heard saliva is toxic to sperm but this limits our ways of being intimate. Are we going overboard with this?

Thanks so much in advance and best of luck to everyone on the list.

--Madeleine


Kelli255
 July 31st, 2006 5:13 PMReport

Madeleine,

Q1) I do not know if I really qualify for the advance maternal age - I am 35 but feel 45 after infertility. My husband is 37. We have been going through this for almost 4 years.
Q2) In navigating your man's feelings, you have to be very sensative to his plite. He is most likely feeling that he is less than a man for YOU! Although you may not feel that way, in bringing in a donor sperm he is threatened. Most men are. You have to weigh the pro's and con's of donor sperm. Does he have NO count or is there something to work with? There are many ways around low sperm count. IUI for instance. If there is a small number, they can wash the sperm, keep the good and add protein to make the good sperm stronger. They can even take his sperm (not the most wonderful proceedure) from the within and implant it into your cervix.
Q3) Do NOT have oral sex when trying to get pregnant. Very bad on sperm condition. You will have to use other manual ways of stimulation. But NO ORAL!

I don't know if this helps alot. You have to remember, you only have a small window to conceive. Try not to dwell on getting pregnant 24/7. This will not only cause your relationship hardship but your mental state as well. During ovulation, do what you need to do, try and make it fun. Then, if you can (I know it is hard) forget about pregnancy for the next two weeks. Try to think of it as practice. Would love to know where you are in the process. I have been trying for 4 years. We have done IUI. Two mc and one ectopic later, still trying. We have a saying at our house "You have to laugh through the tears." If we didn't have humor in our marriage who knows what would happen. Keep me posted. I wish you all the baby dust for the future.
Kelli


broccoli12001
 August 1st, 2006 4:12 PMReport

Hi Kelli,
Thanks so much for your thoughtful response. Every story I hear allows me to feel less alone in this process.

I begin injectables tonight (Follistim) for our first IUI. The RE recommends we try this twice before we go to IVF.

My partner's numbers were pretty good except for low morphology (2.5). So we are hopeful. He goes for acupuncture tomorrow and has made yet a few more adjustments (e.g., lap top off his lap)

As for your advice about his feelings, I agree. And I'm doing my best to keep showing how much I believe in him. Trying not to obsess (thank goodness for close friends and my therapist). And yes, trying to keep the humor. I mean, the whole "collection" thing for instance...really...it's just so strange sometimes...

Best of luck to you in your journey. Keep believing you'll be "one of those stories" -- that it will finally happen.

--Madeleine

Kelli255
 August 1st, 2006 6:00 PMReport

WMadeleine,
My fingers, toes, knees, eyes and whatever I else I can think of to cross. IUI's are a miracle. With what you described about your husband that is the perfect route to go. I was so lucky and became pregnant after my very first one!!!!! I will pray for the same with you. Keep me up to date. I will do my second one in August. I am not familiar with the meds you described. I have taken the HCG shot, maybe it is similiar. I think the retreival is hilarious, my husband my desagree. Which brings us back to humor.
When is your actual IUI?
Good luck - Kelli

broccoli12001
 August 2nd, 2006 10:49 AMReport

Kelli,
The IUI will happen around the weekend of 8/12. Hopefully before my partner leaves on a business trip (and would have to fly back!).

Thanks for the encouragement. Back at you!

--Madeleine


grandmaof2
 August 4th, 2006 9:39 AMReport

Hi Madeleine
How are you and how did you IUI go?
Well I am 37 going to be 38 in November and my love is 48 yrs old is bday is the 4rth of July, I tell him he is my bottle rocket. We have been together for 13 yrs but we got married on 8/8/98 so our anniversery sp? is soon. We both have children by previous marriages, I have two grandkids by my one and only son and my honey will be a grampal soon.
It is hard for us to do any kind of bd because he works out of town and not long enough any one town so I can not go for treatment, he has to be on the job site at all times and since he gets paid well he does not want to let his boss down and all he says is that maybe GOD will bless us soon with a baby.

Sorry that I went on and on but once you get started on a soap box well you know lol.
Good luck and I hope all went well on the weekend of 8/12. Please keep me posted

Best wishes and good health

Kelli
 August 7th, 2006 1:35 PMReport

Hi Madeleine
You were on my mind today. Does is still look like dh is going to be out of town on the 12th? I am hoping and praying that you will get a chance this cycle.
Kelli


broccoli12001
 August 7th, 2006 1:49 PMReport

[quote]Hi Kelli,
How sweet of you to check back. No word yet about the timing for the IUI. I go tomorrow for cycle day 10 u/s and b/w. So I don't know how it will line up with my partner's departure on Sunday morning (cd 15).

Just trying to stay calm...

I enjoyed hearing more about your story. Have you every considered freezing dh's sperm so you can do IUIs while he is away?

It is comforting to hear stories like yours -- "older" people still inspired to become parents again. I am so glad that my baby-to-be will have an older (22 y.o.) half-brother.

Good luck to you.

Would you like to e-mail me off line? I believe my e-mail address is apparant in this message.

Happy Monday to you,
Madeleine


Hi Madeleine
How are you and how did you IUI go?
Well I am 37 going to be 38 in November and my love is 48 yrs old is bday is the 4rth of July, I tell him he is my bottle rocket. We have been together for 13 yrs but we got married on 8/8/98 so our anniversery sp? is soon. We both have children by previous marriages, I have two grandkids by my one and only son and my honey will be a grampal soon.
It is hard for us to do any kind of bd because he works out of town and not long enough any one town so I can not go for treatment, he has to be on the job site at all times and since he gets paid well he does not want to let his boss down and all he says is that maybe GOD will bless us soon with a baby.

Sorry that I went on and on but once you get started on a soap box well you know lol.
Good luck and I hope all went well on the weekend of 8/12. Please keep me posted

Best wishes and good health
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