New to the forum? Sign Up Here! Already a member? Please login below.

Forgot your password? Need Help?  
Dealing with family
Message:


Please login or register to post on this thread.
Raisinette
 May 13th, 2007 9:20 PMReport

We've been TTC for over a year and a half and have been to the fertility clinic, which was a totally miserable experience. (Anyone get the feeling that fertility doctors are just salesmen for IVF?) We don't feel comfortable with IVF and have been looking into adoption. My DH's family is from India, though he's only met one or two relatives since he's grown up in the states. We'd both like to adopt from India. DH mentioned this to one of our relatives in Mumbai and now there is all the buzz there. They are so against it, "orphans here are the children of prositutes!" "You need to eat more curry." "Perhaps your sister could have another child and give her to you." What!?!

The pressure to do IVF is huge, but it goes against our conscience. We are happy to adopt, though the stress of infertility is much too much sometimes.

How do you all deal with your families?

BTW we have a family reunion coming up for my side. I am so nervous about the "When are you going to have children" and "Just relax and it'll happen" type comments. I told one aunt about my anxiety and hopefully she'll help others to be polite. *nervous*

Fortyfourfive
 May 30th, 2007 1:29 PMReport

Raisenette - Hi. I found it was easier not to talk to family or friends and only people who are going through this. THey are the ones who truly understand.


JaneX
 June 5th, 2007 12:18 PMReport

I also found it easier not to talk about it with anyone who had not been through it. I basically hardly told anyone. And if your family push you I think it is easier to say you just do not want to talk about it - I think sometimes you have to be a little bit curt to get people to leave you alone. As for the family in India ignore them! I have lots of Indian friends and many of them say they would be fine with adoption but their families would be horrified but then the ones from more progressive families say that their families would be fine about it and it is becoming more acceptable in India. Apparently some single Bollywood actress adopted a child a few years ago and that helped with the public acceptance of it. Indian families can sometimes opperate in a way that if often very different to our western way. Many think it is total OK to 'meddle, interfer and give advice' something which is not really accepted in western cultures. Some of my Indian friends tell the most outrageous stories about their mother-in-laws. And at the end of the day who cares what others think - it only matters what you and your husband think as they will be your children and nobody elses. Focus on what you want and block out all the background noise.

Good luck with your family reunion and the family in Mumbai.

Jane

jiffys76
 November 26th, 2007 4:45 PMReport

You are not alone with the feeling that Dr. are pushing IVF. When I we went to the Dr. for the first time, all we wanted to know was why we were not getting pg The Dr. talked to us about IVF as if it was some kind of hope.

Jeep-n Jenny

MaryNaples
 February 3rd, 2008 9:33 AMReport

If you start telling people then they constantly badger you about it - not worth the hassle.