Dealing with Infertility: A Guide for Family and Friends
A diagnosis of infertility can be an awful shock for many couples. Not only does the news usually come as a surprise, but it can also start off a whirlwhind of different emotions. Yet, family and friends of an infertile couple can be affected, as well.
As a close friend or relative, it can be quite upsetting to learn of the fertility struggles of those closest to you. You may even feel the need to offer advice and support as much as possible. But in order to provide the best support possible, it is important that you take a few things into consideration first.
The Drawbacks of Support from Family and Friends
Infertility is a very painful issue for anyone to have to deal with. But it is also a very personal issue, despite the fact that millions of people go through it every year. Because the issue of fertility is so personal, it is often difficult for even the most caring of friends and family to offer constructive support. While you may not intend to, it is possible that you might inadvertently offend or hurt those who are experiencing fertility. This can cause feelings of anger and depression, and often has a direct impact on personal and familial relationships. To ensure you avoid negatively impacting the situation, here are some great tips to help you assist those closest to you when they are dealing with fertility issues.
How Can You Provide Support?
Though there are potential hazards to providing emotional support to friends or family experiencing infertility, it is still very important that you do your best to offer a helping hand and a shoulder to lean on. There are a number of ways that you can go about offering constructive support while still respecting a couple's need for privacy and understanding.
Learn About Infertility
In order to understand more of what your family member or friend is going through, it might be beneficial for you to find out more about infertility. A lot of information is available on the topic from infertility support groups and local organizations. Your health care provider or local hospital may also be able to provide you with information. Furthermore, the library and internet can be great resources.
Ask How You Can Be Supportive
The best way to be supportive is by asking what you can do. This allows the couple involved to determine the kind of role you will play in support. And it allows them to retain control over a very personal issue. If the couple tells you that there is nothing that you can do, respect their requests, and offer to be there for them in the future should they need you .
Don't Force the Issue
Even though you may want to talk about the diagnosis or treatment options that your friends are pursuing, they might not feel the same way. It is important to allow them to discuss their emotions and concerns about infertility in their own time. Don't make comments such as, "When are you going to get pregnant?" or "What treatment are you going to try next?" These comments can be hurtful and inappropriate. Make your friends aware that you are available to talk at any time, but don't force your advice upon them.
Resist Comparisons
Though it can be tempting to tell your family members about people you know who are also going through fertility treatments, this is generally not a wise idea. Everyone's experience with infertility is different, and most couples who are experiencing it don't want to hear about other people's battles. Unless your family asks you to tell them about other people's experiences, refrain from doing so.
Don't Be Overly Optimistic or Pessimistic
Fertility treatments can be very successful sometimes. IUI and IVF offer success rates of up to 25% per cycle. However, even if your friend is undergoing treatment, there is a possibility that a pregnancy won't result. Many women do become pregnant, but experience miscarriage early on. So try to avoid being overly optimistic about treatments. However, this does not mean that you should be negative about treatment either. Try to be supportive without leaning one way or the other.
Avoid Recommending Treatments
If a family member or close friend is undergoing fertility treatments, then you will probably be interested in finding out more about these procedures. But try to avoid recommending one procedure over another. Choosing fertility treatment needs to be a personal decision and it should only be made between the individuals directly involved. Feel free to offer support about treatment, but try not to favor one treatment over another.
Remember Both Partners
There is usually more than one individual involved in an diagnosis of infertility. Unfortunately, because infertility is often seen as a "woman's disease," male partners often get left out of the picture. In fact, up to 50% of infertility diagnoses are due to male factor infertility. It is important that male partners get all the support and concern that you can provide.
Getting Pregnant
