Talking with Your Partner
About Ending Treatments
Undergoing fertility treatments often involves a rollercoaster ride through emotional ups and downs. You may begin treatments feeling excited and upbeat, but, after months of trying without success, you may begin to feel unhappy or even depressed. These emotional highs and lows can begin to take their toll on you and your partner, and eventually, you may start to think about ending treatment. Talking about ending treatment can be a difficult step to take, so here are some tips on what factors to consider and how to facilitate communication with your partner.
A Never-Ending Cycle
Sometimes, fertility treatment can become a never-ending cycle, and you may have difficulty knowing when it’s time to stop. When couples undergo fertility treatment there is rarely a clear endpoint that presents itself, making it difficult to decide upon an appropriate time to end treatment. The fertility business is such that there is always a chance of pregnancy, and, no matter how small this chance, many couples find that they are compelled to continue on. Because there are so many different options and continual developments in the field, you too may feel like you have been caught up in the treatment cycle.
A Personal Decision
Stopping fertility treatments has to be a personal decision made by you and your partner. No one can tell you when to end treatments because only you can honestly evaluate what’s best for you. Unfortunately, it is often difficult to recognize your own best interests. The desire to have a baby can be very strong, and it takes courage and resolve to recognize and accept that fertility treatments may never help you to have a child. You and your partner both need to be ready to accept that you may never have a biological child of your own before you choose to end your fertility treatments. This process takes time and effort and should not be rushed.
Things to Talk About
There are a few topics that you and your partner will probably want to discuss together when deciding upon a time to end your fertility treatments. As a couple, try to hold an open conversation about these issues, and aim to listen to all opinions without judgment or bias. You and your partner may have different ideas about ending treatment, and it is important to be able to voice your opinion in a caring and supportive environment.
Health
When deciding on ending treatments, health is often an issue. Both of you may want to discuss how you are feeling physically and emotionally. Here are some things to think about:
- are you feeling more and more tired lately?
- do you feel sad, angry, or are your fighting depression?
- have you had any miscarriages?
- do you feel that you are physically capable of undergoing more treatments?
Odds
The odds of pregnancy are often a big factor in determining if you will continue treatment. The longer you try treatments though, the less of a chance you have of becoming pregnant. Talk openly and honestly about whether you feel the odds are worth it.
Relationship
Couples often forget about their relationships temporarily when undergoing fertility treatment. But your relationship can suffer from the continued stress that therapy brings.
- are you fighting more than usual?
- do you feel guilty, angry, or frustrated with your partner?
- is sexual intercourse becoming difficult or anxiety provoking?
It is important to understand the effects that fertility treatment may be having on your relationship.
Finances
Though it’s unfortunate, fertility treatment is big business and very expensive. Consider your financial stability and how the costs of continued treatment may affect your lifestyle.
- can you afford more treatments?
- will you have to take out large loans or another mortgage to finance treatment?
- are you dipping into retirement funds or other long-term investments?
Other Options
You and your partner should also take some time to discuss some of your other options.
- are you open to adoption?
- will you be disappointed if your child is not "biologically" yours?
- will you be happy living childfree?
Tips on Keeping the Conversation Going
Talking about ending fertility treatments can be very emotional and might sometimes be difficult. Here are some ways to keep the communication channels open:
- Take turns stating your own opinions on each subject.
- Don’t interrupt each other. After you have each stated your feelings, take a moment to clarify or come to a compromise.
- Respect each other’s feelings. Everyone is entitled to their own emotions.
- If you have difficulty talking about your feelings, try writing them down.
- Have a professional counselor help you talk to each other about your feelings.
Getting Pregnant
